Inconvenient Truths About Happiness

Are you on a quest for that elusive sensation we call happiness? Well, buckle up friend, because it's time for some myth-busting! Society, with its well-intentioned advice and age-old wisdom, might not be the best guide on this journey.

The truth is, much of what we've been told about happiness is steeped in misconceptions and myths. From silver screen portrayals to best-selling books, our understanding of joy is often distorted by popular culture. And let's face it, these misrepresentations have led many of us astray in our pursuit of a fulfilling life.

In this article, we will dive into some of the misconceptions and myths about happiness that are often found in movies, books, and stories. In the next post, we will uncover what science has found about unlocking true contentment and well-being. You might be surprised about some of what you learn.

The Reader's Digest Version:

• The pursuit of happiness can lead to a never-ending cycle of desire.

• Happiness is not a constant state; it's okay to experience a range of emotions.

• Overcoming challenges and obstacles can lead to meaningful experiences.

• Building personal well-being is more powerful than chasing external goals.

Three Common Myths about Happiness You Need to Stop Believing

Have you ever felt that amazing rush of joy when something new and exciting comes into your life? Maybe it was a brand-new toy as a kid, or the latest phone model, or maybe a new potential partner — whatever it is, we've all experienced how quickly our enthusiasm can fade once that new thing becomes ours. Few things can compete with the thrill of something new. It's common for us to overlook the happiness we derive from what we already possess as soon as we set our sights on something else.

This phenomenon is known to psychologists as hedonic adaptation 🔍 and it explains why we can still move along in life despite drastic changes in luck or circumstance. Winning the lottery doesn't guarantee lasting happiness, nor does a challenging setback guarantee unhappiness - research has shown that people tend to adjust back toward their pre-existing levels of fulfillment after around a year or so.🔍

This ability to get used to situations and people is ultimately a great thing; not just because it helps us cope with hardships, but also so we don't become overwhelmed by all the new experiences life throws at us. Imagine being forever stuck in the early days of a relationship, where everything feels perfect and romantic. It might sound wonderful in theory, but the fact that we eventually see people for who they really are is a good thing. It’s what allows us to make real decisions and navigate life with a clear head. This is not the end of love, but the beginning of a true partnership.

Because of ‘hedonic adaptation’ our insatiable pursuit of happiness rarely leads to lasting contentment, yet we continue to chase after new highs anyway.

One of the most destructive beliefs about lasting happiness is that happiness comes when you get what you want.

It can be easy to think that - getting what we wanted as children did bring us joy but in reality, it's always a temporary high. We are never fully content with the things we have and instead focus on those which we don't yet possess; this is why many of us feel like something is always missing. The term "hedonic treadmill" highlights how even when running towards our goals, we get further away as more desires arise on the way there - leaving us lacking true satisfaction despite our best efforts. As investor Naval Ravikant likes to explain it:

“Desire is a contract that you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want.” - Twitter

Our brains are hardwired to seek out pleasure and reward, a beautiful cycle of chase and victory that helps us get ahead.

But with this pursuit comes built-in adaptation — our brain's way of helping us stay the course without too much sense of elation or despair. When we don’t realize this is the mechanism at work, we continue to chase without pausing to savor what we have.

What fuels it all? Dopamine: the neurotransmitter behind motivation.🔍 When dopamine is high as you hunt for what you want, life feels great - focused, vibrant energy accompanying you in every step closer to your goal. However, once the goal is achieved, levels of this chemical drop significantly in the brain. Your motivation is no longer there. The goal itself, you realize, wasn’t the thing that brought you joy. It was pursuing it that felt exciting.

Chasing progress can still put a smile on your face – after all, we are meant to have dreams and aspirations. It's part of being human and alive, and it feels good.

But it's important to remember that happiness isn't something we can attain by achieving a specific goal. The joy is often in the pursuit. That's where dopamine works its magic. It's easy to get caught up in an end-game mentality where progress becomes measured only by results achieved and our sense of accomplishment is weighed on external validation or tangible rewards. Our happiness shouldn’t solely depend on meeting preconceived expectations; otherwise, it’s impossible for us to ever feel truly good about ourselves.

Besides the fact that no end goal will ever bring long-term happiness (due to adaptation), it's also damaging to believe that everlasting happiness should even be the goal.

You are not supposed to feel "happy" all the time.

Your brain has not gone through millions of years of evolution with the purpose of making you happy. Happiness is not the brain’s natural state or primary function. Your brain has evolved to keep you alive and it does its job well using a full range of both positive and negative emotions.🔍 In fact, negative emotions are even more useful for survival. We are designed by nature to experience ƒ- and benefit from - all sorts of emotions.

In life, being able to recognize the highs is just as important as accepting and managing the lows. Instead of aiming for sheer bliss or contentment 24/7 (which isn't realistic), it suffices to strive towards a feeling of peacefulness; a sense of internal security that allows us to handle situations as they come.

Achieving a peaceful state can significantly improve our capacity to tackle life's inevitable challenges, and confronting these hardships is good for us.

Don't be fooled into believing that a life of ease and luxury will make you happy.

Research shows us the contrary: meaning comes from overcoming obstacles and challenges in our lives, not avoiding them! Facing difficulties head-on can help build resilience and self-esteem, creating an inner strength to tackle future hardships with hard work and perseverance.🔍

“Happiness is not the absence of problems; it’s the ability to deal with them.” - Steve Maraboli

It's no secret that social expectations and media portrayals of ‘happiness’ can leave us feeling overwhelmed or confused. Movies and stories mostly end with the promise of bliss - the challenge overcome. Additionally, the standards of happiness that we see in movies and culture are often superficial and materialistic. In this fast-moving world, it's easy to compare and be led astray from your own unique path – so take a moment to reflect on and evaluate your own life.

What hardships have you overcome? What joys have you experienced? What moments have changed you for the better?

Thinking about happiness in terms of building personal elements of well-being is much more powerful than chasing after arbitrary external goals that society convinces us we need. We can focus on our values, aim for incremental progress and growth, and be mindful of our inner mental state as much as possible—taking the time to truly appreciate positive moments so they linger with us longer.

We can spend more time with people we care about, tapping into experiences of joy and efficacy with them. And even if something doesn’t quite turn out the way you were hoping or expecting, perhaps that situation ended up allowing room for other inspired opportunities for growth. Ultimately, although it will take some effort, by taking small moments to bring your attention back to your core objectives at least once every day, you could eventually make long-lasting changes towards greater satisfaction and contentment that exist both outside and within yourself. But you have to get clear on what your objectives are first.

In the second part of this post, we discuss valuable insights on how to cultivate genuine well-being. If you are looking to take tangible steps toward creating your ideal life, subscribe below to receive practical insights and information that can help.

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​Note: This is the first of two articles on defining well-being. Click here to read Part 2.

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