Mental Nudges: Your Invisible Ally in Getting Out of Default Living

One of my favorite stories of all time is Lewis Carroll's classic tale, Alice in Wonderland.

Do you remember Alice's encounter with the Cheshire Cat? Alice, lost and unsure, asks the grinning cat in which direction she ought to go. The Cheshire Cat tells Alice that her choice depends entirely on her desired destination.

When Alice admits she doesn't particularly care where she ends up, the grinning Cat replies, "Then it doesn't much matter which way you go."

And there you have it, friends: the embodiment of default living.

When we find ourselves in an 'Alice' state of mind, adrift and unsure of our purpose, our life journey starts to resemble a meandering walk through Wonderland. We might find ourselves exploring paths just because they seem interesting at the time, or taking unexpected detours, all without any real understanding of our end goal. It's like being at life's “Mad Hatter Tea Party”, where we're just along for the ride with no roadmap to our true destination. It can feel maddening.

It's easy, isn't it? Following the path of least resistance and letting external circumstances choose our direction is simple. But is that truly living, or is it merely existing?

That was me in my early 20’s, and I’m sure many of you can relate. I had absolutely no idea where I wanted to go after college. Formal education spat me out after 21 years of guidelines and rules into a wide-open world that I was supposed to navigate by myself. I was “lost in Wonderland”, and it took me some time (and many wrong paths) to figure out which direction I was supposed to go.

The Cheshire Cat's words ring true for everyone. If we don't know where we're going, any road will get us there. But is 'there' where we want to be? With no destination in mind, we risk ending up somewhere we don’t want to be. That is the risk of default living.

Living on autopilot doesn’t get us what we want.

We do not have to feel like passengers in this life. How amazing does it feel to be in control of your destiny and life direction? You can do this. Read on to find out why default living happens and how to interrupt this process using mental nudges and tools from psychology.

Understanding Your Auto-pilot Brain

Default living, when viewed through a neuroscience lens, refers to a state in which individuals predominantly engage in reactive or passive behaviors without a clear sense of goals or purpose. In this mode, the brain relies on automatic and well-established neural pathways, allowing routine and habitual behaviors to take the wheel. The Default Mode Network (DMN), a network of interconnected brain regions takes over when we are not engaged.

The DMN is associated with self-referential thinking, wandering thoughts, and introspection. When people are in a default living state,  the DMN becomes more active.

This leads to a preoccupation with internal thoughts and emotions, rather than a focus on deliberate, goal-directed activities. This heightened DMN activity can hinder the brain's ability to initiate purposeful actions and set clear objectives, as it tends to prefer familiar, low-effort routines.

Additionally, there is some evidence that suggests that overactivity in the DMN may be related to excessive self-focused thoughts and an increase in negative emotions.

The cycle of negative thought patterns makes it challenging for individuals to disengage from repetitive and often distressing thinking and behaviors. There is an evolving link between the DMN and conditions like depression and anxiety, though the relationship is complex and nuanced.

How Bad Habits Become Default

Many people end up living on autopilot and never change because of the brain's natural tendency to conserve energy and seek efficiency. This is a phenomenon often referred to as "cognitive inertia."

Our brains are wired to develop habits and routines to save mental energy. When we repeatedly engage in the same behaviors, our brains form neural pathways that make those actions automatic and require minimal conscious effort.

Changing habits and behaviors requires effort, cognitive resources, and the activation  of the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision-making and self-control. The brain will resist change because it prefers the comfort and predictability of existing routines. Thus, it becomes even more challenging for individuals to break free from autopilot living.

The brain wants to conserve energy and maintain the status quo, so it is resistant to change. Therefore, it makes sense that many people simply stay on autopilot and cannot make significant changes to their lives. The cycle of consistent disappointment is not great for mental health either. We certainly know and can feel when we are not living up to our full potential, and it's uncomfortable.

Here's how a bad habit forms: You do something pleasurable (like eating a tasty snack) a few times. Your limbic system, amygdala, and ventral striatum tell your brain that this is enjoyable. Then, the basal ganglia take over and turn it into a habit. The basal ganglia facilitate the shift from intentional, goal-directed actions controlled by the prefrontal cortex (i.e., “I think I’ll have a cookie.”) to automatic, habitual actions (i.e. Excessive mindless snacking.).

As a habit becomes ingrained, the basal ganglia take over, and less conscious thought is required to perform the behavior. You start doing things automatically, even when you know it's not the best thing for you in the long run.

Breaking a bad habit means telling your brain, "We're going to do something else instead!" You need to engage your thinking part (prefrontal cortex) to resist the urge from the limbic system and the impulsive amygdala. It takes some effort, but you can rewire your brain to make healthier choices with conscious practice.

So, to get out of autopilot, and stop living on default, a few things need to happen:

1. You need to choose a specific destination or goal. This could be as simple as changing one behavior or as complex as becoming a completely different type of person. The destination is up to you, but you have to have one.

2. You need to realize that your brain will resist and be ready for that.

3. You need to rewire your brain and neural pathways to make better decisions by putting in sustained effort to challenge your brain.

You will need a lot of help to engage your prefrontal cortex to take action. This is where nudges come in.

Understanding Mental Nudges

What is a mental nudge? What is a nudge? I discussed the origin of nudges in behavioral science in my very first post (read it here). They involve setting up the environment around you to make it easier to make better choices. In the cookie example, it would involve getting rid of all the junk food in your house when you’re trying to eat healthily.

For mental or behavioral changes, nudges are mostly invisible. You are changing your “internal environment”, to help you rewrite your brain.

I like to define it like this:

A mental nudge is a gentle and strategic push to guide your thoughts, emotions, or behaviors in a desired direction, often using psychological and cognitive techniques to influence decision-making and promote positive change.

Consider these examples of mental nudges that many people have used successfully to change behaviors and rewire their brains:

1. Social Accountability: Sharing your goals with friends or family to create a sense of accountability. The social aspect nudges you to stay committed.

2. Progress Tracking: Regularly monitoring and celebrating small victories. Tracking progress reinforces positive behaviors and encourages consistency.

3. Mindful Pause: Introducing intentional pauses before habitual actions. Taking a moment to consider if your choice of action aligns with your goals.

4. Cues and Triggers: Associating new habits with existing routines or specific cues. For instance, linking a mindfulness practice to your morning coffee routine.

5. Positive Affirmations or Daily Mantras: Incorporating positive self-talk to challenge and overcome negative thoughts. Repeating affirming statements related to goals helps embed positive beliefs and intentions.

6. Sensory Associations: Linking sensory experiences to actions. This could involve using specific scents, sounds, or textures to create positive associations with particular behaviors.

How to Use Mental Nudges to Get Out of Default Living

Default living often leaves us feeling stuck and unfulfilled. I know I’ve been there. What I learned is that we need to take steps to activate our pre-frontal cortex to get out of this state. Below are some simple tips based on what has worked for me. You may discover other strategies that you use successfully to interrupt your automatic behaviors.

Each step below is designed to engage your intentions and guide your daily actions toward a more purposeful and intentional life. They work best when done together sequentially:

1. Self-Reflection: The cornerstone of transformation begins with understanding where you stand today. Through self-reflection, you'll gain insights into your daily habits and routines that have led to default living. Use a free online template (I like this one) if you want a guide, or just grab a journal and make some columns for different areas of your life. Write down all your current habits, automatic behaviors, and thoughts (both helpful and unhelpful ones). Decide which of these behaviors or thoughts are helping you and which are hurting you. Be completely honest. Only then you can decide which ones you want to stop doing or thinking about.
   

2. Journaling: The act of journaling empowers you to document your thoughts, aspirations, and intentions. It provides a clear, external roadmap for your journey. Do this exercise for a week. Write down all the actions and decisions you made along with their outcomes. Try to write down why you also chose the way you did. For example, if you went to bed late because you were on your phone for too long, so the next day you were tired, write down the other outcomes of that choice. This strategy allows you to see how one small decision can have a domino effect throughout your day.
   

3. Imagine Your Ideal Self: By crafting a vivid image of the person you aspire to become, you set the stage for profound change. Be specific! Define your ideal self with as many details as possible in your visualization. Imagine the smallest nuances that make your ideal self unique. Consider every facet: your appearance, from posture to clothing; your personality traits, whether it's confidence or compassion; the array of achievements and milestones that define your life; the daily routines and habits they uphold; the nature of your interactions and relationships; and the core values and beliefs that guide their decisions. Write it all down in your journal.
   

4. Daily Visualization: Bring your ideal self to life through the power of visualization. This practice will help you steer your actions toward your envisioned success. Imagine how your ideal self will act in any daily capacity. This will feel like work at first, but if you repeat it enough, it becomes automatic. As you begin to embody and identify with the qualities of your ideal self, you transform into them.
   

5. Use the 5-Second Rule: Taken from the Mel Robbins playbook, the 5-second rule states that when you don’t want to do something, you have to count down from 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and do it when the counter hits 0. If you don't do it within 5 seconds, your brain will convince you not to do it at all. It’s a great way to snap out of automatic living, by simply getting out of your head and into action within 5 short seconds. You can read Mel’s book if you want to learn more about this technique.

Your Journey Out of Autopilot

I invite you to embark on this transformative journey out of autopilot with an open mind and a commitment to growth and learning. We don’t always get it right the first time.

The power to reshape your life lies within you. It is all about intentionality. If you learn how to engage your prefrontal cortex and guide your intentions toward what you want to do, you will start to see huge changes in your life. I also invite you not to do this alone. Accountability is an extremely powerful nudge that works!

The path to a more intentional life begins with self-reflection. Journaling, the act of externalizing your thoughts and aspirations, becomes a powerful tool to help you self-reflect. Have fun with these exercises. Let your imagination run wild as you create a vivid image of your ideal self. Be specific; envision every nuance that makes your ideal self unique. Then, let this detailed visualization serve as a compass that guides your actions toward your desired outcome.

Lastly, don't forget the importance of action. When faced with decisions, count down from 5 and engage your prefrontal cortex. Take action. Do the thing. This simple technique disrupts the default mode network's inertia. It empowers you to act on your intentions before hesitation sets in.

The transformation from default living to an intentional, purpose-driven existence takes time and effort. As you implement these strategies, share your experiences in the comments below. Your journey might inspire others on their path to breaking free from default living.